There is a lot on my mind right now. It’s 1:22 am and I can’t sleep. That’s normal though. Tomorrow is my 5 year class reunion. Time has flown by. I have seen countless people get married, graduate university, have children, but me, I am about the same as I was when I graduated 5 years ago. Don’t get me wrong I am different, completely different. I see life in a whole new perspective. But I haven’t had much change. Sure I was able to serve an LDS mission, but that was two years ago. I don’t want that to be the most exciting thing in my life. Right now I am sleeping on the same bed, in the same room, in the same house that I have for 12 years. I feel like I am on a treadmill. I don’t mean to complain because my life is pretty great, I have a great family, I have friends who are amazing and overall life is good. But I feel stagnant. I feel like experiences and opportunities are passing me by. Someone asked on Facebook the other day what we have accomplished in the past 5 years, and countless people were posting things that were so meaningful, I got married, I have a great job, I put myself through university and just graduated, I have a child. Those are noteworthy. You know what I put? I finished every episode of How I Met Your Mother, and Psych. Now I was being funny but, sometimes I wonder if those might be some of the more impressive accomplishments I have since then. I feel a little behind. If life is a big race then where exactly am I in the standings? I feel this pressure to be married, to know what I am going to do with my life, to have all these great things happening. Yet I feel so unprepared to do any of those things. I mean marriage is such a big deal, at least to me it is. There is no way that I am ready for something like that, heck I have trouble keeping my room clean, and the sink empty of dishes. How in the world am I supposed to become part of a team when I can’t even agree with myself? I don’t think there is a day where I am not asked about who I am dating and when I am going to get married. I answer with confident sarcastic remarks like, “well I just haven’t found the girl that fits the bill,” or “Nah I don’t think marriage is something I want to do.” Truth be told marriage does sound great, but like I said earlier how can I think of marriage when there are so many things that are conflicted within myself? Truth be told I can’t even figure out how to date. To be honest it scares the living sh** out of me. Sorry for the expression but that’s the best way that I can put it. The idea of putting my feelings out there for someone to reject, well now that is something I would just rather avoid. Mostly because it is easier. I am rambling now, I guess that is kind of how my life is. It’s just a run on sentence. Something that seems like it has direction yet it’s not quite sure of itself. Life is good, in fact sometimes life is great, I just wish that sometimes it was more fulfilling, and I know what you’re going to say. Well Dennis life is what you make it. I believe that, I just don’t know what I want to make.