Hey Friend.

Dear Friend,

Hi, how are you doing? My name is Dennis High. I live here in Rexburg Idaho and I am going to school at BYU-Idaho. Let me tell you a little bit about who I am. I am a dreamer. I am someone who likes to be happy and I like to make other people happy. I am Russian. I was adopted by two great people who are loving, weird, and amazing. I love sports. You could say I love them too much. I love everything about them. I love the Sacramento Kings, I love the Buffalo Bills, I love the Utah Utes, and I love the Cincinnati Reds. I love to read, and I love to watch TV. I hate scary movies, and I love comedies. I am proud to say that I love Dragon Ball Z, I love Naruto, I love comics like Batman and Superman. I watch all of the animated DC movies. I love loud crazy music. It may seem weird but it calms me. My favorite band right now is A Day To Remember. I love all types of music I would say that country is my least favorite. I used to have severe depression and suicidal thoughts, but those are controlled now, yet I still have days where I struggle. I have ADHD, and it really does affect my everyday life. I am super scatterbrained. I love gangsta rap. There isn’t many things better than N.W.A and some Bone Thugs and Harmony. I love to read, my favorite books are by Dan Brown. I love playing pokemon on gameboy. Silver is my favorite. I love Pro Wrestling, Rey Mysterio is my favorite. I know it’s fake and honestly I don’t care. I love comedy. I said earlier that I like making people laugh and that’s true. I feel accomplished when I am able to make people laugh and have a better day. I am way too sarcastic, and it’s something that I am working on. I am very social yet I don’t always like to be around people. Sometimes I like to stay by myself and not be around people. I am a Mormon, I am proud of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ has changed my life for the better. I am very confident; I know what my talents are and what I lack. Yet while I am confident I sometimes lack that confidence around women. I consider myself a Liberal Conservative, or a libertarian. I am very pro legalization of Marijuana. I love clothes, but I don’t like spending lot’s of money. So you will never see me buy a ton of expensive things. I love shopping at the DI because they have some great stuff there. I would say my favorite piece of clothing are socks. I enjoy debating people, especially about sports. I am not perfect, not by a long shot. Despite the confidence I have I still struggle with self doubt. I struggle with the thought that maybe people won’t like me, maybe I won’t be successful. I have anxiety attacks that come and for like five minutes I will sit there just freaking out in my mind and think that nothing is possible. Then I am able to take a deep breath and forget about that doubt and move on with my life. I am a returned missionary, but that doesn’t make me a good Mormon. What makes me a good Mormon is trying to be like Christ, attending the temple, and treating everyone with love. I am very opinionated and sometimes I can come off as mean. I stay up to late and sometimes I don’t sleep at all, that’s what happens when your mind is going a hundred miles an hour. I am writing this letter mostly because I want people to know who I am. I am a nerd. I am a sports fanatic. I am an ADDer for life. I am a confident person who struggles with self-doubt all the time. I am someone who is happy. I am writing this for those people who feel the need to change who they are. Just do you. Childish Gambino has a song that says “Don’t be mad cause I’m doing me better than you doing you.” That’s great, and that’s the way I am trying to live my life. I think you should be able to like what you want, and wear what you want, and be who you want to be without worrying about what people say. I am making a goal to myself to never again make fun of someone for something that they like. It’s just one of the many things that I can do to help make this world a little better. For anyone who is reading this, if I have ever made you feel less than you deserve I apologize, I have no right to do that. I think sometimes I forget how beautiful and wonderful every person in this world is. Sometimes I forget that I am so insignificant and so imperfect. Every person in this world deserves to be loved, I don’t care if you’re white, black, Christian, Muslim, gay, or straight. I don’t care if you’re tall, short, skinny, fat, gorgeous, or homely. I don’t have the right to treat you less than the best. I challenge everyone who reads this to think about anything that they might have said to someone that was rude or offensive and to try your best not to do it again. I have this thing that I have lived by where I say that if I offend you then that’s your fault. I have since changed my mind. I believe it is possible to disagree with someone and not offend them. Who am I to decide whether you should be offended? So again please forgive me. I am sorry. Please don’t let my carelessness ruin your day. I have had a good look at who I am and I wrote it in this letter to you, I hope we can be friends and we can have great times and wonderful memories with each other. Remember be yourself and don’t let anyone bring you down. If there are people in your life that are dragging you down and not letting you be the best YOU that you can possibly be, please cut them off. You don’t deserve that kind of negativity in your life, no one does. Thanks for reading and have a great day!

Sincerely,

Dennis High.

There is a lot on my mind right now. It’s 1:22 am and I can’t sleep. That’s normal though. Tomorrow is my 5 year class reunion. Time has flown by. I have seen countless people get married, graduate university, have children, but me, I am about the same as I was when I graduated 5 years ago. Don’t get me wrong I am different, completely different. I see life in a whole new perspective. But I haven’t had much change. Sure I was able to serve an LDS mission, but that was two years ago. I don’t want that to be the most exciting thing in my life. Right now I am sleeping on the same bed, in the same room, in the same house that I have for 12 years. I feel like I am on a treadmill. I don’t mean to complain because my life is pretty great, I have a great family, I have friends who are amazing and overall life is good. But I feel stagnant. I feel like experiences and opportunities are passing me by. Someone asked on Facebook the other day what we have accomplished in the past 5 years, and countless people were posting things that were so meaningful, I got married, I have a great job, I put myself through university and just graduated, I have a child. Those are noteworthy. You know what I put? I finished every episode of How I Met Your Mother, and Psych. Now I was being funny but, sometimes I wonder if those might be some of the more impressive accomplishments I have since then. I feel a little behind. If life is a big race then where exactly am I in the standings? I feel this pressure to be married, to know what I am going to do with my life, to have all these great things happening. Yet I feel so unprepared to do any of those things. I mean marriage is such a big deal, at least to me it is. There is no way that I am ready for something like that, heck I have trouble keeping my room clean, and the sink empty of dishes. How in the world am I supposed to become part of a team when I can’t even agree with myself? I don’t think there is a day where I am not asked about who I am dating and when I am going to get married. I answer with confident sarcastic remarks like, “well I just haven’t found the girl that fits the bill,” or “Nah I don’t think marriage is something I want to do.” Truth be told marriage does sound great, but like I said earlier how can I think of marriage when there are so many things that are conflicted within myself? Truth be told I can’t even figure out how to date. To be honest it scares the living sh** out of me. Sorry for the expression but that’s the best way that I can put it. The idea of putting my feelings out there for someone to reject, well now that is something I would just rather avoid. Mostly because it is easier. I am rambling now, I guess that is kind of how my life is. It’s just a run on sentence. Something that seems like it has direction yet it’s not quite sure of itself. Life is good, in fact sometimes life is great, I just wish that sometimes it was more fulfilling, and I know what you’re going to say. Well Dennis life is what you make it. I believe that, I just don’t know what I want to make.

To those who may not know.

To those who may not know,

This is a letter. This is a letter to those who do not have depression, or have not experienced it. This is a letter to those with depression, those who are haunted by the dark. This is a letter to try to let you understand what it is like to have depression. This is an attempt to let you into the world of someone who constantly is at war with himself, just to put a smile on his face. This is a letter to those who are in the middle of this struggle. This is a letter for them to know that there are others in the world. That there are those who have made it out of the darkness and on to a happier path. This is just a letter.

I don’t remember the first time I cut myself, or even where I got the idea. All I remember is that it brought relief. I don’t know how I even ended up in that situation. After all I was raised in a good home, I had great parents who loved me. I was always able to have friends. I think my ADHD was maybe a trigger for my depression. I am pretty positive of that. Like I said I had a good home life, but the older I got the less important the acceptance of my parents meant. After all they are required to love you right? The older I got the more I wanted acceptance from others. I did get that acceptance but it wasn’t enough. I never did drugs but I think the urge to get a greater high, was much like my urge to be more recognized. I desperately wanted to be one of the cool kids. Don’t we all? I wanted to be well known for something. I moved to Firth Idaho when I was 11 years old. I began seventh grade at a new school with only a few friends that I knew from church. My first friend in Firth continues to be my very best friend to this day. I had a pretty decent time in middle school, sure I was picked on here and there but it was no big deal. I can deal with teasing from other people. It’s the internal monsters that give me problems. Anyways so middle school came and went and now I was on to High school. I hated it. I don’t really know why either. I wasn’t picked on by the upperclassmen. But I began to feel the self-doubt grow. You see I was always good enough to make the sports teams, and I was smart enough to get decent grades, and I was attractive enough to have a girl, but I was never the best. I began to feel anger, I hated myself. So I decided to leave. I hated that school anyways, I had made some new friends at Shelley (The rival of Firth) so I figured I would just bounce to that school and it would solve everything. Well it didn’t start off great. I began to hear the things people would say, “Oh you won’t last there” or “you’re not good enough to make the team there.” It was whatever though I didn’t care. Anyways I carried on, but sometime during the summer my depression started to take over. I don’t know what the cause of it was, I don’t know why it just started happening, but I began to cut, and I began to have these feelings of doubt. The worst was when it was dark. My nights became filled with thoughts of suicide. I had this emptiness in my chest. It was like I was just sick of my own skin, and that there was nothing that I could do right. But I carried on. I kept these feelings mostly to myself and hid them so no one could see. I started the school year off great. Man I was having a good time, football was great, classes were great, girls were great. Except when the lights went off at night. Finally basketball season was here. I made the team. I had done it. I had proved to everyone at Firth that I could do it. We even beat them when they played us. I even had a crucial play. It would have appeared that everything in my life at that moment was great. Except when the lights went out. I was in a downward spiral, I was in a never ending ocean of despair and I was sinking. I remember one night I was feeling worse than usual, and an argument with a girl put me into a headfirst dive into that ocean. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t know what else to do. So I told the person I was talking to that I was going to kill myself, and that’s what I tried to do. I began to pop as many pills as I could find. Luckily the cops were called and I was taken to the hospital.

That’s when my recovery started, but that’s not when I was healed. I was in a behavioral health center for 4 days I think, I can’t remember. I did anything that was asked of me so I could get out of that god forsaken place. I am good at masking the pain. I got out and life resumed. It was pretty normal, and I did get attention at school and I felt that people cared. But the darkness was still there, and the feeling in my chest still existed. My wrists still ached and I still was drowning. Then I decided that I didn’t care what people thought anymore. I began to realize that this insatiable desire to be popular and good at sports wasn’t really healthy. So I just decided to do whatever the hell I wanted to. So I got arrested, then I partied, and did anything and everything that I was told growing up that I shouldn’t do. I remember that I really began to grow and change when I woke up one morning after getting hammered drunk the night before and looking around and thinking.. Where will all these people be in 10 years? Is that something that I want?

That method worked for the most part. Soon after my sophomore year was over I never cut myself again, I also quit taking my anti-depressants. I figured that I could get through this. I don’t mean to make this letter spiritual, but realizing that I was a son of God was huge for me. What it meant for me was that I had potential. I had somewhere to go and someone who wanted to help me get there.

Today I still struggle with depression. I still struggle with a desire to be popular, or funny, or someone of importance. That is my struggle, and there are many out there who have the same, and many who have different struggles. I still deal with the darkness. It isn’t as bad now, but there are times in my life when I am under extreme pressure that it starts to creep back. Those thoughts still find their way into my life. But I can handle them now. I can deal with it. As for the emptiness in my chest, well it is mostly filled. I have a great life, I love my life. I have a great family, I have great friends, and I have a purpose. I know too many people who have been affected by teenage suicide. I feel that teenage depression and young adult depression is an epidemic that is sweeping the nation, and not enough attention is being placed upon it.

This is my letter. This is my letter to those who are fat, who are gay, who are anorexic, who are clumsy, who are short, who are abused, who have dyslexia, who have adhd, who feel alone, who feel ugly. This is my letter to anyone out there who has ever felt less than they should. YOU ARE SOMEONE SPECIAL! I don’t care if you believe in God or not. It doesn’t matter, because you are still a Human being, you are still someone who has feelings and desires. All I want for you to know, is that someone cares about your welfare. I am that person. I don’t know you, or maybe I do. But I care, and as long as I am living I will do everything that I can to make sure you feel loved some way or another. We can take on the darkness together.

And to those who have had the luxury of never feeling depressed, or never feeling sad. I want you to please use that gift that you have. Make someone else’s life a little better. The most frustrating thing I hear when people see someone who is depressed or cuts themselves is “well they are just doing it for attention.” Well then give them some love and attention and just maybe they won’t have to resort to such drastic and terrifying measures.

My name is Dennis High, I have depression, and I have lived in the darkness, and I have made it through, and it is my life goal to help as many other people through as well. 

So this year one of my goals was to do stand up comedy. Well I did it! It was a super fun experience and I feel I did really well. So here is my set, let me know what you think. I am hoping to do more in the future. Have a great day everyone.

Follow me on:

Twitter: @dhigh29
Instagram: THE_H1GH_LIFE
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DMONEYHIGH

I’m Fat and sick of it.

No one really knows how they got fat, it sort of just happens. One day you’re spry and in excellent shape, the next you can’t see your feet anymore. I know for me it was a slow gradual process that crept up on me like a velociraptor hunting that one guy with the shorts off of Jurassic Park. I remember at the beginning of my senior year in High School I was pretty hot. (see this photo is proof.)

 a little different than this --->      

 I can sort of point out the beginning of the decline, I believe that it all started out when I was working at wingers. I would eat every time I would work… So you know I got fat. Then I served an LDS mission, and that most definitely did not help, at all… So I went from a nice 165 to 215 in a matter of 3 to 4 years. OOPS.

So on to the matter of losing that weight. It is easier said than done of course. When you first get your stomach and double chin, you hate them, but the longer they are with you the more you tolerate them. Then the more people tell you to lose weight the more attached you get to them. Thoughts like, pfft it shouldn't matter what I look like, or real women love men with curves, dominate your brainwaves. They may or may not be true but that isn't the point. I guess what I am trying to say is that losing weight is like breaking up with that significant other that is obviously horrible for you, but you are so comfortable with them that you don’t want to leave. Also have you tried exercising when you are out of shape? It sucks. I recently had a friend interview me for her class and she asked what was the main thing that kept me from going to the gym and working out, I replied by saying that I am fat. My fat is keeping me from the gym, it prevents me from doing a lot of things.

I am not super fat by any means, so I can’t sympathize with those who are really struggling with their weight, but I can relate to the feeling of shame when I look in the mirror. It has taken a lot to be able to stay confident with the extra 40 pounds I carry. I can understand why it is so hard for people to go to the gym and get fit. Have you been to the gym? It’s like only really healthy, and fit people are there. Kevin Hart does a good job of explaining this concept here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXokDYkvQIE

Working out is hard, and it takes effort and time. I think the biggest thing for me is the fact that I don’t see immediate results. I want to see the change now, and with exercise requires patience. But I have decided that losing weight is something that I want. I am ready to do what it takes. I have a goal of losing 40 pounds this year. I want to get down to 165 again. I am willing to do what it takes. At the beginning of the year I weighed 213 pounds. I am now at 202 pounds. So only 37 pounds to go!

Now one thing I want to make clear. If you want to lose weight you need to do it for you. I am no expert on the matter but I do know that it has to be your choice. I don’t know if you can do It for someone else. If you are happy with your weight then by all means stay where you are at, but if you want a change in life, then do something about it. It may not happen today, you may want it to happen but you may not be able to get the oomph to work out and change your lifestyle for a while. Don’t fret though, if you want it, the rest will come. The first key is DESIRE, once you get the desire, the action will happen sooner or later. As for me personally I am sick of being fat, I want to be super sexy once again. That is my reason, and the fact that I want to wear fitted suits. We all must find our own reason sooner or later to do anything. I hope everyone has a good week and accomplishes all that they set out to do. 

The High Life, the way I live.

Hello,
So I am new to this whole blogging thing. I have this class that requires me to have one but at the same time I have wanted to do one for the longest while. I have so many ideas about everything, I need a place to download my thoughts. This seems as good as one as I can find. Oh also my name is Dennis, I am the stud on the right.
Now you may be wondering why my blog is called the High life of Dennis, well for all you potheads looking for cool tips on how to smoke some weed, you can go somewhere else. I don't smoke mary jane, but my last name is High. Also I feel like it is a way of life. I want to live on an elevated plane of thinking. I want my life to be full of optimism and happiness. So in my mind living the High life isn't about smoking weed, or getting "high," but rather it is more about being the best I can be, and helping others. 
So who am I? 
Well I am 22 year old student at BYU-Idaho, so yes I am Mormon. I have lived here in Idaho most of my life. I didn't start out here though. In fact I was adopted from Russia and brought to Idaho. Don't worry though, I am not spy. 

These are my parents, Steven and Glenna. They are pretty great and I love them a lot. My Dad is a pretty quiet guy who is full of love. My Mom is loud and proud, and can't stop moving. Seriously though she is in a wheelchair and she is always going. 







So I have a ton of dreams in life. I really just want to be a positive influence in the world. Sometimes that is a difficult thing to do. Especially when I am driving. This blog is a way for me to share my thoughts with other people, and more importantly for me to learn. I will post ton's of things on here such as, personal stories, dating advice (I didn't say good dating advice, since I am the definition of single), my struggles, my triumphs, funny stuff, and also sports opinions. This is also going to be a portfolio for me since I am going into public relations, I want to have a relationship with the public. I hope that everyone enjoys it, well actually I don't care that much. Again this is MY blog, so feel free to read it, or disregard it. 
So to summarize, this is going to be about my life, the High Life. This is going to be a method of connecting with people I know and don't know. It is going to be an opportunity to share my passions, and my beliefs. This is me reaching out to the world and saying HEY!
 So have a great day everybody, and remember to stay High ;).